I'll probably regret this but since I regret everything I do all ready, why not?

Every now and then I go though cycles of dreams about a better life. These dreams are usually so vivid that I really hate waking up.

Well, anyway... here goes.

So my wife and I are enjoying a walk outside in a city park. The leaves are turning orange and people are out enjoying one of the last warm nice days before winter starts to blow in. We are holding hands and I'm listening to her talk about her work since it's much more interesting than mine. After a bit, she tells me she wants to tell me something important... she is pregnant. I am so happy I might explode. We haven't really been trying to get pregnant but we have definitely been practicing a lot lately. I look my wife in the face and see the mother of my children and the years stretching out before us.

And then I realize that it can't be real. I didn't kiss her that night a few years ago. I was a big chicken and let that moment slip away between us. We never happened. That's when I woke up.

I can close my eyes and still see her radiant face, so happy to be with me and to be the mother of my child.

I don't really know the significance of this dream, I've come to terms with being incapable of expressing love due to my absolute terror of being rejected. I know I have fucked up more than one possibly happy moment of my life because of my anxieties.

I guess no matter how hard I try, I can not quite stamp out irrational hope. I will always let my contrary nature to break everything nice in my life, since I lack willingness to trust.

Damn, I'm maudlin. I'll see about finding a cute puppy picture or something to take the edge of this post. In a bit. I'm really drained right now.

Edited for comfort!

News from a BBS I frequent.

Tim (Tree) McPherson has proposed the following challenge to any and all big eaters in the Cookeville area:

"Alright, the date has been set. Saturday night, August 25th. Vinnie T's in Cookeville, Tennessee will host the Collosal Burger Challange. A $25.00 entry fee is all it takes to get in on the largest display of gluttony in middle Tennessee. The rules are simple; you, a nine-pound hamburger, three hours. That's it. Finish the burger in three hours or less and you get $500.00. Well, maybe there are a few more rules; no puking, everything has to be eaten, and you can only visit the restroom if an official is present to ensure that you do not cheat ( puke). There is a secondary prize. If no one finishes the burger in the alloted time, $100.00 will be awarded to the person who has consumed the most. Consumption will be determined by weighing the uneaten remains of the burg The guidelines of the burger breakdown like this; six pounds of ground beef ( this is standard and cannot be changed), three pounds of toppings ( cheese, tomatoes, pickles, onions, mushrooms, lettuce, mustard, ketchup, mayo, and bun).If you prepay, you will be able to customize your burger, if not, you will have all the ingrediants on your burger. All contestants will have nine pounds of food (Conceivably you could have six pounds of meat and three pounds of cheese). So, who's in? Either contact me here at myspace, or Vinnie T's at 931-526-2582. If there are any changes to the date or rules, I will keep you posted."

Your Score: Ceiling Cat

31% Affectionate, 43% Excitable, 35% Hungry

You are a master of stealth. They never see you coming. But you always see them coming. HEY-O!

To see all possible results, checka dis.

Oh boy, a link to another blog type place.
Any way, this is an egg of a different shape.
One persons attempt to make their own long egg.

I can't wait until Red Lobster starts frying up these sea creatures for $10.99 per pile.

I really haven't posted anything in a while. It's hasn't been the much fun for the past year. I might write more about it later or not.

Right now, I wanted to write about the bouts of bad breath I've had for years and I couldn't figure out why it would come and go.

After I got a strep infection, I became, shall I say, aware of my throat's health. About one week after I had taken the last does of amoxicillin, I noticed a white spot on my tonsils. I soaked a q-tip in listerine to swab the area in hopes of stopping what I thought was another infection, or at least slowing until I could see a doctor the next morning. When I swabbed it, a hard glob of something popped out. That damn thing smelled horrid. Think mucous that has been simmering at body temperature in a lightly acidic bath. BAD.

It was a Tonsillolith. And yes, they are as gross as those pictures depict. None have been anywhere as bad as this one. *Warning there is one very disturbing picture on that page. Think a stone as big a usb memory stick lodged in your tonsil.*

Aren't you glad I'm writing again? heh

I'm apparently about to start a new job for Fleetguard at their Cookeville, TN location sometime next week. I'm hazy on details since the fellows that secured this job for me can't supply me with answers straight away. The manager that picked me returns from his vacation Monday next week according to the salesman I meet with today. At that time, information should be available to all involved.
The initial two weeks will not be ideal. I've been told those two weeks will be a time of training and indoctrination in Nashville. The facility in question is located near the airport. That's at worst an one and forty-five minute drive, one hour and fifteen minutes at best.
I ponder asking people to allow me to stink up their place of residence in Nashville.

I am used to be ill-informed on the events that shape my life, the next two weeks look to be gut churning thrill-o-rama.

Session Start (me:KLANAE92): Fri May 26 20:51:06 2006
[20:51:07] KLANAE92: HEY
[20:51:25] KLANAE92: WHO IS THIS
[20:52:08] KLANAE92: HELLO...
[20:52:23] me: Why are you sending messages to me?
[20:52:34] KLANAE92: WHO IZ THIS?
[20:52:50] me: The person about to block all your messages.
[20:53:10] KLANAE92: OOOOOOOOOK BITCH
Session Close (KLANAE92): Fri May 26 20:53:17 2006

Oh, that pissed me off. Message a total stranger and demand to know their name and then start screaming when they ask who you are?

Two minutes later...

Session Start (me:Gr8vbplr): Fri May 26 20:55:56 2006
[20:55:56] Gr8vbplr: hey
[20:56:18] me: what the hell? is this bug random people night?
[20:56:41] Gr8vbplr: who is this
[20:56:47] me: who is asking?
[20:56:58] me: and why?
[20:57:37] me: is there a particular reason you are signing up under another account to bug me?
[20:57:56] Gr8vbplr: wat u talkin bout
[20:58:42] me: look, I;ve already blocked one person that kept asking me who I am over and over.
[20:59:03] Gr8vbplr: ok wat eva
[20:59:05] me: not telling me why, just getting more and more pissed.
[20:59:25] me: so why are random people asking me who I am?
[20:59:32] Gr8vbplr: u have a bad temper
[20:59:58] me: I've learned to never trust anyone.
Session Close (Gr8vbplr): Fri May 26 21:00:50 2006

Especially when they demand to know who I am and won't identify themselves.
Since the second one looks like the results of a smashed the keyboard to create their user name, I suspect it is not a coincidence that two users I don't know start bugging me, within minutes of each other, asking me the same thing.

What The Fuck?

Oh and the bad temper comment. Very true. Which is why I didn't change their screen names. This little bit of spite warms my heart.

I uncovered an old laptop at work. It has been in a laptop bag on a shelf for nearly three years.
It's a Compaq Presario 1640. AMD K6-266, 96megs of memory and a 4 gig drive. It's not going to have a second life as a work horse or game machine. It maybe near the end of it usefulness but I still like to have it around.
It had a fudged install of Windows 98 on it. After noodling around with it, trying to fix it up, I gave up on making it suck less and installed Windows 2000. 2k ran slowly but well until I boned it tonight.
There are no 2k drivers specifically for this laptop and the generic ones for the touchpad and mouse kept freaking out after a few minutes of use. The USB ports on the port replicator never functioned under 2k. I attempted to fix that with some iffy drivers and accidently rendered the keyboard, touchpad and mouse inoperable. Go me.
Right now, I'm watching Debian install. Don't know what I will do with it besides fiddle with it when it completes.
At least I have my downloaded television shows to occupy my mind. I plowed through the first four episodes of Alias season three tonight. Seventeen more episodes to go.

The water heater in my house is broken. I lathered and rinsed as fast as I could and then checked for tripped breakers or massive leaks. Nothing of the sort was evident, so that just leaves some internal damage in the heater.
It was nice to have flashbacks to living in the dorms and the bad days of the hot water repair work. Nothing invigorates like emerging from the shower feeling like you've been interrogated with ice cubes.
The landlord has been notified and I can only hope they are working on it as I sit here at my desk. I do feel for the repair folk, for the genius that built this house put the water heater in the crawl space under the house and it's resting on mud. Indeed, a recipe for inconvenience.

I was feeling pretty good today. I dragged myself around in the crawl space under my place, putting in a little network wire. Only two room so far but those are the only ones with computers in them.
Of course, one of those rooms was hell to get under. I definitely had an earthy stink clinging to me from the belly crawling I did to get there.
After going in and out of the access door a few times, I finally noticed the black widow that had a web in a corner of the opening. It might have died from the cold I let in while I was under there. I wasn't interested in poking it to find out.
My roommate's cat was down there with me, assisting me as only as a black cat can. By materializing in my peripheral scaring the hell out of me, attacking the wire and my hands, meowing at nothing like she feared for her life and then refusing to come out when I was done. heh

I arrived 5 minutes late, got to wait another 10 minutes in the chair. The festivities began at 2pm and wrapped up at 5:15pm. The woman assisting my dentist must have been new because there was a lot of pauses to tell her what file to get or to show her something the dentist was doing. I declined nitrous mostly because I don't like to be impaired.
There were 5 women that had their hands in my mouth during this 3 hour tour. One was there to take x-rays (four times), the assistant, the dentist, the other dental technician (she molded my temp crown and cemented it in) and the dental hygienist that assisted the x-rays.
They have hdtv flat panel displays on the arm that holds the light for the dentist, so I got to watch Fletch Lives! on Spike and It Takes a Thief on Discovery in their entirety plus a little Headline News.

Aleve is taking care of the pain from being poked and drilled, the antibiotics are easy to take and I can chew on the other side of my mouth until the permanent crown is completed. About 3 weeks from now.

Visited the dentist again today. From the symptoms I exhibit, they believe a tooth has begun to abscess. I'm scheduled for a root canal Wednesday at 1:30pm.
Dental insurance should cover about $600 of the $1700 bill. Good thing I put off the decision to buy some major upgrades for my computer.

I also just noticed that I still talk out loud to myself.

Lobbyguy is the name of my home PC. Thursday morning while I was getting ready for work, my computer emitted a loud snap and shut off. A little visual inspection turned up a bad capacitor on the motherboard (orangish crust on the top). I've had this happen before so I have two extra comparable motherboards on hand.
Turns out that crusty capacitor wasn't what killed Lobbyguy. I didn't know this until I hooked up a power supply with a dying cooling fan. LG flickers. Maybe the power supply crapped out, but considered the specs on it, it more likely committed suicide before allowing any damage to LG's innards.
A quick trip to the local computer store to buy a new power supply, paying too much for it but with little other choice if I want LG working tonight.
Time to start looking for deals on power supplies.

Your Score: Ceiling Cat

31% Affectionate, 43% Excitable, 35% Hungry

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